All in all, at 2 hours and 47 minutes, to call Mausam a tale of two halves is very generous. It is more of a tail, without a body attached to it and Pankaj Kapoor will do well to learn that the most exciting part of the screening was the trailer of his next acting venture, Happi, where Kapoor, the stunning actor, plays a common man inspired by Charlie Chaplin on the streets of Mumbai. How cool is that?

Seasons change faster than some of the scenes in Mausam. Seriously. And it takes all of two hours and f-o-r-t-y long minutes for boy to meet girl, about four times after which I lost count.

Mausam is beautifully shot, no doubt about that, but a regular love story takes forever to finish, and then there's some more left. And nope, after the first half of the first half is over, there is nothing at all that could make the lovers' frustrating journey engaging.

There are convincing reasons why most of the romantic movies of the present generation fail to leave an impression and there are credible rationales behind “Mausam” achieving the difficult feat of being able to make splash. The finesse with which Pankaj Kapoor has graced the romantic routines is beautiful and magnetic to say the least.

Final few words: Patjhadh saawan basant bahaar. Ek baras ke mausam chaar paanchva mausam pankaj kapur ka. Awesome Mausam! Wish I could say that. Alas!

Rating: **

Ticket Meter: Worth a 100 buck.

Mausam: Aesthetically shot, pathetically made

What if Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’s character, Raj goes to Simran’s place, picks up the cowbell she keeps on the door, but is never be able to trace her? What if Bhagyashree wasn’t blessed with the ingenuity of sending kabootar to Salman in Maine Pyar Kiya? Simran had the common sense of informing her neighbour where her family was heading to, but alas, Aayat (Sonam A. Kapoor – the credits read so) of Mausam doesn’t demonstrate an iota of such intelligence.

Now before you accuse me of comparing Mausam with DDLJ and MPK, let me inform you that Pankaj Kapur, who (mis)directed the film ensures that he has every ingredient of a legendary love story. The only scene that stands out in Mausam is the exchanging of hand-written love notes (In an age of SMSes, Sify andYahoo Messengers). The love notes are dampened in a glass of water as a symbolism of a dampened script.

As for the performances, Shahid is no Rajesh Khanna of Aradhna and Sonam is no Manisha Koirala of Bombay. In fact, we feel pity for the poor actors, who are saddled with a dumb script. They somehow manage to wade through the crater-sized loopholes in the plot.

The film revolves around a couple affected by almost all major incidents in the last one decade. It seems as if there are sensors attached to the lead actors, who get attracted to the places where war, riots or epidemics take place. The much touted F-16 fighter plane scene makes the helicopter sequences of ‘Dr. Dang’ in Subhash Ghai’s ‘Karma’ seem like a masterpiece.

Binod Pradhan paints each frame beautifully, especially the scenes in Punjab. The film has aesthetics of Sanjay Leela Bhansali, romance of Yash Chopra, and writing of Kantilal Shah, the C-grade filmmaker whose name appears at a fair in Ahmedabad during the climax of the film.

The stallion and child, whom Shahid rescues during the Gujarat riots, are sure to get nominated as ‘Best supporting actors’, as they actually ‘supported’ the lame climax of Mausam. The scene was meant to leave the ‘intellectuals’ please themselves, by trying to decipher horse as metaphor. Maybe it was Pankaj Kapur’s tribute to MF Hussain. Go figure.

Well, the late artist reminds me of the fact that each frame of Mausam looks like a piece of art. But then how long can you stare at harebrained paintings? Hadn’t it been for the audience (who applauded at every scene that made them yawn), I’d have fallen asleep. Strongly recommended for insomniacs – sleep guaranteed. Better still, book a recliner seat. Caution: Bad weather ahead.

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